My parents say I’m a Grinch. I just can’t help it.

I hate Christmas music. Every time I hear “Away in a Manger” it makes me want to smash my head through the inexplicably Caucasian visage of baby Jesus in the stained glass windows of the nearest church.

Unfortunately Christmas music is unavoidable at this time of year. What is a person with discerning musical taste to do? Find some tolerable Christmas music, that’s what!

Admittedly it was a hard task, but this year I found two new Christmas albums that don’t drive me crazy. In fact, I really enjoy them.

Up first, Silver & Gold by Sufjan Stevens. Unlike me, Sufjan really likes Christmas music. A lot. As in this is his second five-CD collection of Christmas music. On top of the 5 EPs of wildly-disparate music (three-hours in total), he also includes bizarre stickers, temporary tattoos, a do-it-yourself Christmas ornament kit designed by an architect, and an 80-page booklet featuring full lyrics, chord charts, and no fewer than three essays about Christmas music, one of which connects the Advent season to the apocalypse. Sufjan has never been one to do anything half-way, that’s for sure.

The music is uniformly excellent, from a disturbing minor-chord rendition of “Jingle Bells” to a blissed-out nine-minute electronica rendition of “Do You Hear What I Hear?” filled with enough Autotune to make T-Pain say Stevens’ is overdoing it. Oh yeah, it’s a really weird collection of music. Stevens tops it off with 18 original songs (released to the public domain) that range from silly celebrations (“Ding-A-Ling-A-Ring-A-Ling”) to utterly scathing critiques of Christmas materialism (“Christmas Unicorn”). Needless to say, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but it’s a Christmas album I’ll listen to in July.

And right out of left field, how about an instrumental metalcore Christmas CD? August Burns Red delivers with Sleddin’ Hill. This record is constructed in a surprisingly effective manner: hymns are performed in a reverent manner with the volume amped up. It’s not unlike Trans-Siberian Orchestra, but with breakdowns!

The secular Christmas tunes are played with a slightly silly punk vibe, and the end result is completely infectious. “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” is the only song featuring vocals, and rather than ABR’s usually gruff metal growls, the band opts for gang punk vocals, even including the childish “like a light bulb” refrains. Hello Grade 2!

The CD also features two original songs, “Flurries” and the title track. Neither of which sound anything like a usual ABR tune, but both of which are excellent and fit in with the classic songs perfectly. If you like metal this may be the Christmas album you’ve always longed for. Heck, even if you don’t like metal you’ll at least find it hilarious.

So there you have it: two good and slightly unusual Christmas offerings. Stained glass Jesus and my head are safe. For now.